Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
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our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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