It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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