That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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