I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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