So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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