I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I touched a dick in church today
There are leaves in my underwear?
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