Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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