Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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