I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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