I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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