yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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