my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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