How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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