I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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