Are we in a gay sports bar?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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