Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize