I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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