my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize