I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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