i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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