There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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