YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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