everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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