Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize