then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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