There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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