I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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