ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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