All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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