the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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