I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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