So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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