I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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