I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize