have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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