sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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