I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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