I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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