if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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