Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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