we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
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i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize