I wish my penis had an off switch
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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