u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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