I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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