So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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