Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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