girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
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