Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize