Your mouth is God's brothel.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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