He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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